Her skin sweats and she thinks of her father and how she can’t feel her legs and how good it sounds to hear him say in her ear that he loves her over and over and over. In hours she’ll tell the man who loves her she was raped. For the moment, the thought doesn’t exist. What courses through her body sounds of youth – what lies to tell your children hidden behind fairy tales. He grabs and takes what he wants – he’s not gentle, her throat is red and she can’t breathe. It’s so dark in the room, candlelight flickers on and off on his face but she doesn’t look. He grabs her face to kiss her but her lips don’t part much and so their faces just collide. He can’t tell the difference with a beautiful girl. He lays back and she puts her hands on his chest and rocks forward and back, her hair draping beside her cheeks and across her chest. His hands roam. What the hell else could he be thinking about?
A million or so miles away a boy who loves her thinks of her all days and refuses what she told him. She thinks he doesn’t care. What’s come of her life? And he types all hours and survives her. And she drifts into a dream that wasn’t her own. When he finishes he does so impolitely and she’s too raw to give a damn and doesn’t forget her pill the next morning. When she goes home she sees the boy and she can see that he loves her and always will. When she rocks she tightens her hips and he moans and she loosens and he sighs and she doesn’t stop. She looks at him sometimes wondering if he’ll always love her. She thinks if he went everything beautiful in her life would go with him – not because he’s so beautiful, but because he sees her so. She sleeps on his chest and he falls asleep so quick she’s left twirling the old grey hairs on his chest, feeling the blood return to her legs and trickle down her thighs. She couldn’t cry. And the stupid boy writes about this girl and eventually he gets it right and can sleep through the night. And he doesn’t lie anymore to her. And she likes the way he looks effortlessly at her. And she likes that all those thoughts were beat. And she likes the simplicity of a boy who loves her despite her.
He drops her off and she goes in and tells the man who loves her what happened and he screams. In a week none of these men will have died. And she tells the boy and then he becomes immortal like the rest of them.