The party came after a long day of preparation for the night and his happiest point, the construction of his bed so that it was ready for her and for them because she’d told him sheets would make it comfier. So he got candy red like his posters would be and it looked good in his colorblind eyes. The party was stressed from the onset as a noise complaint came in immediate and his roommates badgered him about kicking everyone out and he had to keep his voice tempered even though he wanted to fucking scream at them for being paranoids stoners unable or uninterested in socializing with his girl’s friends. She came late and it came up that she had to drive her friends home and it came up after that she wasn’t coming back and that she had errands to run that she hadn’t mentioned and he was disappointed after another day of preparation and he led her to his room to show her what he’d done and she kissed him a lot but wouldn’t stay the night because she was busy early tomorrow.
She left at 3 AM after refusing to leave because she had to clean all the dishes because she’d promised and it had been a good night, and he’d recovered from her decision to leave because he knew she was a busy person. He found fatigue while she scrubbed on and on and eventually he realized cleaning would be another couple hours so he asked what she had to do tomorrow and she said it was just some errands and he asked if they were commitments and she said no, no, just things I want to get done. So she left and around the time she did he felt like walking to the beach without her and laying and listening for that red light to scream a little louder. He let his friend sleep on his bed and he slept on the couch and finished some alcohol and let it take him fast away and woke up and thought only and immediately of how she’d decided not to stay because she had things she wanted to do that she could’ve done whenever but had told him she wanted to do at 5 in the morning when the sleep deprivation from the month accumulated was at its funniest.
His day went on and he didn’t respond to her snaps because they were nothing but a fantasy and he wondered about love but not for too long and felt about it an awful time longer and felt about it precisely that it’s often inhabited by our desires, but for him and her, occupied very seldom at the same time. And he thought too that it was funny that yesterday his golden days were tomorrow and today they were yesterday. But he didn’t think on it long and just let different ways of communicating all this workaround as he wondered if he even wanted to see her tonight as they’d planned or if he should even ask or remind because she’d probably cancel anyway and he felt it’d feel good to cancel on her at the last minute but he wouldn’t because it would be wrong.
So he wrote this and went to her apartment and showed her and she held him and apologized for an hour then got sleepy and paranoid for an hour then fearful and sad and within herself for another. He watched out her open window cars go by as she drifted to sleep and he thought about leaving. He stayed and they fucked in the morning and it was better than before and he forgot about the bad from before but not the good and everything just went on.