The Girl Who Forgot
You were the girl who forgot the night we planned to have our first time.
After waiting for months.
I was the boy who bought you flowers and left them at your doorstep.
You were the girl who didn’t even realize they were from me the next morning.
You were the girl who’d gone out drinking with her friends instead.
You were the girl who hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes after we first had sex.
Who was withdrawn the rest of the night.
Who told me, when I asked, It was because I was thinking about how sad it would’ve made him.
I was the boy who thought this was good love because it wasn’t as bad as the last love.
I was the boy who’d heard relationships take work!
And thought it meant pain. Everyday. Hour to hour. In every moment.
You were the girl who waited months to ask me to put labels on us.
Who did so immediately after I’d spent 400$ on Victoria’s Secret for us.
You were the girl who was hurt that you were hurting me.
I was the boy whose job it became to convince you it was okay that you were hurting me.
You were the girl who pressured me into breakup sex.
Who heard me say no a dozen times for a dozen minutes.
Who kept getting closer and warmer until I said okay
You were the girl who spent an entire dinner on her phone looking at writing
Romantic writing from an old ex that you admired
You were the girl who used sex as a weapon.
Who sedated me and made me feel content with us
By fucking me till I forgot
You were the girl who, on our Valentine’s night retreat I’d spent hundreds on
Was so repelled that my body didn’t want to have sex
That you dressed yourself from head to toe and hid under the covers
I was the boy who felt selfish
Because it definitely had to do with fair body image issues
The boy who didn’t see the irony, the hypocrisy
I was the boy who had nightmares until I left you
I was the boy who thought we were close to being good, close to being perfect
The boy who only now writes a list like this, so effortlessly
The boy who thinks now, were we close to being anything at all?
You are the girl who figured everything out right after I left you for the last time
Who thinks that because you’re over him;
It means I should want you.
Who thinks he was the reason I left you.
I am the boy who knows you were the reason I left you.